Yes, repent I shall! My definition of repent is to stop doing what you are doing that may be harmful, sinful or distracting and to turn the other way and sin no more! LOL! That being said…I have been very distracted the past couple weeks honestly. Living in the apartment has been messing with my brain and I have slipped back into anxiety and depression. Yes, I know I shouldn’t let that matter or affect me, but it just does. I am human and this past two years have been hard. I am really trying and I see light at the end of the tunnel, I really do,
but (crap..but cancels the previous statement) however, I have let circumstances that are out of my control at the moment take hold. I’m just so tired.
Okay, going the other way now…
I went to the doctor and got started on a diet pill. I KNOW! Don’t shoot me, but I need some help! My family is adamant against surgery for the lap-band, so I have to get some help. I just cannot exercise to the level I need…YET…and part of my depression is feeling like a failure because I am not reaching my exercise goals. It just hurts. I am not gonna sugarcoat it anymore. My back still just hurts! And the trying to “faith-talk” my way out of it–though the faith-talk is the right thing and I will continue believing for no pain and supernatural healing–I have to face reality of the NOW. And the now is I am hurting and so tired. The stairs at the apartment are wearing me down, the apartment and the walls seem to be closing in and causing anxiety, so I accept that some things I cannot change, but some I can get help on, so the weight is something I chose to start with. It weighs heavy on me…literally…haha!
Today, I started the pills and I am fighting to get out some work done. I got behind, am almost caught up again and now trying to get a handle on the blogging and such. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT REBLOGGING AND POSTING LATELY. I repent and will do better!
I even pushed my friends away this past week or two, especially my online buddies and best friends. Lorenz and T, I’m sorry. It is easier to just ignore and hide some days than try and “fake it til I make it” though I am doing better. Right? Yes, I think I AM!
RCC, gosh I am sorry. I’m always the encourager and supporter…I feel like a very bad girl [and not the bad girl type I usually like 😉
or would naughty girl be the right scenario that I like…haha! ]
Anyhoo…I may have to reorganize a bit to get this back to my reblogger-worthy status!
I have to say that I have REALLY enjoyed the opportunity to write Pastor Elisha on Kira’s blog about Vanilla. It has been a definite bright spot this week or so. Kira, you have blessed my socks off with this and I am so thankful. I didn’t realize how much I really do like to write. hmmm…….. LOL! I may not be the best, but it has been a lot of fun!
So, I am just writing to say “I am still here.” I will slowly pull myself out of this minor setback and keep moving forward.
I was able to trade my car in and get a new one, paid cash and no payments! That is a huge load off our shoulders. We have been slowly paying off old debt to try and ease our outflow so that it isn’t more than our inflow! We still need to buy a house and I so want to get my hubby a new truck. He so deserves one! He has been blessed with “hand me downs” for the past few years and he deserves a new one! He never complains! I stayed with the Kia Soul (mine looks like this but is a 2013 and has a few other features. I love my alien green soul!) because it is so easy for me to get in and out of, just upgraded to leather seats and a few fun options. Like the speakers light up in multiple colors to the beat of the music! So fun! My husband just shakes his head at me. Party Rockin’ in the house tonight!
Hugs and Love! Here is to a better rest of my week and yours!